Dear John,
It’s your home shredder, Shawn, here. Listen, I’m going to do my best to be civil, but I’ve got a bone to pick with you. I’ve become pretty upset that you seem to be changing my job description lately. I was optimistic at first, but you have completely gone overboard. You probably don’t even know what I’m talking about, or even care, so let me elaborate for you.
When I first started out with you, I was so excited. You were giving me receipts and junk mail you didn’t want to read — I loved all those circulars. Then you started feeding me full magazines. That was a little rough, but they were just the thin kiddie ones your daughter didn’t want, so I didn’t mind. I mean, it was just one a month, right? Wrong!
You started bringing home all those newspapers from work, and those do not go down easy — let me tell you. They’re long and hard for me to swallow, and the shreds bunch up in my bin. But still, I told myself it was fine. This was my job, and you’d probably retire me soon anyway.
When you began cleaning out your home office, I knew I’d had enough of paper shredding. Who do you think you are trying to put boxes upon boxes of papers down me? I’m a HOME SHREDDER, not one of those industrial guys who eat thousands of pounds of paper an hour! You didn’t even give me a break, either. You sat there for hours just feeding me and feeding me. And of course, it took that long because, contrary to what you believe, I can’t handle that much paper. When I overheated from the strain of it all, you got mad at me. Well, you should’ve gotten mad at yourself for not taking all those boxes of paper to a professional shredder.
Now… I would like to continue our partnership, because I do actually like working with you when you’re not overfeeding me. That being said, I have an idea that can make both of us happy. I’ll stick around to shred those receipts and junk mail, as long as you take your papers to Complete Shredding Solutions. They can safely shred all the paper you want in minutes. So — do we have a deal?
Sincerely,
Shawn the Shredder
In Nassau and Suffolk County, New Jersey, and nationwide, Complete Shredding Solutions is your trusted data destruction service and paper shred service. We offer drop-off and recurring shredding services to provide you with convenient and safe document destruction. For more information about Complete Shredding Solutions, call us today at 516-442-1624 for more information.
